Let me start by saying, we could have done much better to ensure that there was more of a gap between my last pregnancy and our new discovery. My husband and I know that it does not take much (after back to back pregnancies) to make a human. However, our ideology is “if it is meant to be, it will be” and so… there were two and now, we are looking forward to three.
So many people have made comments like, “Are you guys done?”, “You are going to wait before you try again, right?”, “Give yourself some time.”, “Two is enough.”
Actually, we attempted to be "careful" this time around with protection and by tracking my menstrual cycle. Prior to this positive pregnancy test, we had a scare (twelve days late ) and I was sure to use my period calendar app to document when flow finally appeared. Well, the app set my cycle at forty-two days and I did not realize that my calendar had been expanded in this way, until it was too late. Honestly, the delay in the previous month set us up for acceptance if we did happen to make another baby but I was not ready to share this news with all, just yet.
Keeping it Real
This pregnancy is much different than the others. A few of the reasons are obvious and clearly visible, i.e. I am now a full time SAHM(stay at home mother), of two under two. My lack of rest and relaxation is written all over my face and typically topic of discussion. The battles I face internally are not as easy to view with the naked eye but may show in my presence (especially with those that know me well). My patience have been stretched and worn thin, as I make my best attempt at managing finances, children, a marriage and two dogs (all day every day). Dropping down to one budget has restricted much of what I used to provide for our family, as well. My husband works hard as the breadwinner, which means very, very, long hours. For all of these reasons, first glimpse of the double lines exposed on the pregnancy test made it difficult to blurt out the news to friends and family.
Blessed Beyond Belief
In sharing all of this, I am reminded of the blessing this child will be to our family. My little ones will now have another close sibling to spend their lives with. Our daughter is coming upon her second birthday in January and my Son will be eight months old, in just a few days. I think of watching each grow and bond with a brand-new sibling and my heart fills with warmth. When my husband and I met, we discussed the family we wanted and two children was just half of what we had dreamt of. While thinking through the changes mentioned earlier, I am 100% certain that each difference (mentioned above) has come full circle from hurdle to blessing. Remaining a Stay at Home Mother has been such a rewarding moment in my life. Having less patience, truly helps me pick and choose what really matters most in life. I do my best to reflect daily on the things that push me "over the edge" and whether it was worth the anger/negative emotion I felt or displayed. The next day, whatever pushed me to my limits may or may not matter as much and I feel as though this has truly helped me to become aware of my attitude and fix my behavior in a more positive manner. Lastly, the long hours my husband spends at work give us the ability to truly feel blessed with his presence. Our family has been given the opportunity to make changes to live comfortably on one budget and although it is challenging, we are so very lucky to be able to operate in this way.
Here We Go
My purpose in writing this post is to shed a bit of light on the heaviness that can loom behind a positive pregnancy test. Sometimes, the results can take a lot of mental space and preoccupy us in ways we cannot predict. Working through the logistics of adding another person to your tribe can be exhausting at times. There is a lot that leads up to the announcement of a new pregnancy and I have shared just a few of my own thoughts and emotions prior to our recent announcement. Now that it is out in the open, I cannot wait to discuss the milestones and walk thru this pregnancy with you all. The last difference that I will point out is that this pregnancy, I am fortunate to be connected with so many parents/ mothers via my blog and social media presence. I am extremely elated to bring everyone along with me on this journey to three children under the age of three.